One Month before Graduation

My board mate Chaps texted me this morning saying, “It's exactly ONE MONTH before the graduation. Hope kasama talaga ako dun. Huhuhuhuhu”. I didn’t know what to react but instead I just pulled myself out from my bed and talked to my Mam (mama) Pap (papa) was out for a Fun Ride.

Van: Oh my God Mam, it’s now a month before graduation. I still have a lot of requirements to pass on Tuesday, an exam in Physics on the 30th and a RELATIONSHIP to fix. What will I do?

Mam: Take it easy Van, I know God will provide. How are you and #%* , by the way?

Van: According to her, the story has ended Mam. *sad face*

Mam: I thought everything’s okay already?

Van: I do not know Ma *sad face*

So there you go, I had a short conversation with Mam, first in the morning. 

        I know that the photographs are becoming blurry now however, the memories we encountered (jovial or melancholy) in every picture will still remain forever. Everything will end JUST LIKE THAT it’s just unfair to my part that the story that was once written by both of us had already reached its epiphany and that epiphany was solely written by Her, I would have wanted to revise the ending together with her company but I was not given the chance. (It was supposed to be a collaborative work.)  There was no conversation after she had written the ending of the story. I tried to talk to her but she always refused. 

          For the remaining spaces of this sort of “online journal” I will be telling you some RANDOM HONEST THOUGHTS.

1.     In all honesty, I admit that she’s one of the most important reasons why I continue to write.

2.     She had become my inspiration.

3.     She’s one of the many reasons WHY I WRITE.

4.     She makes me happy and in exchange I make her life miserable (every time we fight) hahaha… too bad for me because I do not know how to express my emotions “rationally” unlike her. (By the way, how does one rationalize emotions?)

5.     We promised that every time we fight, we’ll still have each other in the end and that’s nonnegotiable.

6.     I always tell her that I’m going to leave her but what’s really inside my mind is the truth that, “hey dude, why would I do that? You’re too special to be forgotten”

7.    I wanted to stay in their house during the weekend but I didn’t want to disturb her in her studying habit, that’s why I ended up packing my things and decided to board a bus on the way back home (Gensan).

8.     Every time I go to booksale/ bookshops I look for Austen, Woolf and Bronte books *to have something to give her*

9.     I would have wanted her to be with me in each of my travels

10 I rarely commented on her works because for the main reason that HER WORKS ARE TOO GRAND TO BE COMMENTED. And my unnecessary slash personal criticisms would only ruin such piece of writing.

11.  I wanted to tell her everything about me but I am not a good story teller so I always end up writing my UNTOLD STORIES through my POETRY. (and I know she’s not aware of that)

12.  Most of the poems in this blog are about her.

13.  I started this blog because of her. I intentionally ransacked the virtual world just to search for her personal blog (which she opted not to tell me) and when I finally chanced upon her blog I made one with the pseudonym SIMULACRUM.

14. . SIMULACRUM was very happy that time because of her.

15.  SIMULACRUM thought that she knew that it was really her best friend’s blog.

16.  A VERY HONEST REVELATION Simulacrum was very hurt when she knew that her best friend thought that the owner of the blog was dagat and not her. Simulacrum did not tell it to her best friend because she doesn’t want to hurt her. It was a MONTH LONG PAIN Simulacrum needed to bear. 

17.  I am very proud of her. Even though I haven’t seen her danced yet still I wanted to tell her that I’m very proud of her. Honestly, I saw her danced many times (in You tube, the most convenient way, hehe).

18.  I will keep “Pramsky” forever, and that’s a promise.

19.  I won’t return Austen’s Pride & Prejudice not until I’m done with it *SUFFERING but for you, I will*

20.  I wanted her to come during the 3rd Sinews of Syllables, really.

21.  I won’t forget our travel to Europe. Let Paris be our last stop, please?

22.  My thesis defense was for her slash I offer every part of my musings to her.

23. . Mam really wanted her to be my Best forever. 

24.  Her letters? I'm keeping them and I’ll have them inside a special box. 

25.  THIS ONE IS A MUST I will GIVE her all my books after I DIE.

26.  She will remain as my ONE and ONLY BESTFRIEND, FOREVER and EVER.

27.  I have a lot of unsent letters for you. Someday, I know you’ll get to read them. I would love to tell you A LOT OF MY STORIES. 

28.  I am not tired of listening to your stories. I miss them already. Would you mind to share some?

29.  I am thankful that you’re my best friend. A best friend who doesn’t get tired of everything, of everything about me even if my LiFE really sucks.

30.  My college life’s very MEMORABLE because of you. (thanks for Mr. Galgo, thank you for the ten peso coin, thanks for the letters, thanks for the tears and most importantly thanks for your Time)

31.  Lastly, I will REAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLY, REAAAAAAAALLLYYY, REAAAAAAAALLLLLYYY miss you , super duper. Promise, I will smile a thousand times for you.

          Someday, I will publish my own book slash novel (hopefully). I want to pattern it after the movies Before Sunset and After Sunrise. This time, I will be writing it ALONE. However it is still a collaborative work since the two of us are going be the lead characters of the story. I have done my part in this relationship. FOREVER will remain FOREVER and I still am not closing my chapters. I won’t publish my book not until I could find the BEST epiphany for the ending. For now what I have in mind for the ending of the novel are these words, 

         Voe and Alex watched the dandelions swimming in the mid air, they are free, they are happy. Voe with her hands catch a dandelion, she cups it with her right hand and keeps it inside a scarlet box. Alex on the other hand whispers to the wind, “FOREVER”. They know deep within their hearts that FOREVER will remain forever and that it will hold true to their promise not until the dandelions in that magic paradise will die.

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9 endeavored to criticize:

Pratik Rimal said...

It's and pixie huh? Liked these, " Voe and Alex watched the dandelions swimming in the mid air, they are free, they are happy. Voe with her hands catch a dandelion, she cups it with her right hand and keeps it inside a scarlet box. Alex on the other hand whispers to the wind, “FOREVER”. They know deep within their hearts that FOREVER will remain forever and that it will hold true to their promise not until the dandelions in that magic paradise will die."

Best of luck for your novel. :-) Didn't know you're writing one? Well, I'm writing one too. But I guess I'll never write it to the end...because somethings are never meant to end... :-)

Damsel said...

abandoned beginnings P? :( yeah P, i believe... somethings are never meant to end, IF you HOLD ON :)

lydz said...

van, know what i'm thinking about your pain.. i can see it right now at the back of my mind.. tangible metaphorically, mura xag crushed dandelion.. huhuh, na(super) touch ko sa imong blog.. yeah.. i hope i can write like that.. your maximalist style.. cgeh lang gud van.. every story should have a resolution, i hope both of you can write a better ending..

Rea said...

Chaps sent me the same txt message this morning. I replied, why not?

Xmpre makarelate ko ani van. Good thing ur able to write about this. Ive been here. Letting go. Confused of my friendship with my so-called special friend. Promising that we'll be friends forever and all that crap.

Numb na gani ko karon. I hope you won't be like me. I may look like im still fighting for the friendship kahit im always ignored. Pero in truth, kapoy napud ko. Tired of waiting :)

Life. Tsk. Keep fighting for it van!

Rea said...

PLUS blogging about that special friend for THREE long years. Tan-awa lang gidelete lagi ang buong blog. Hahay. I can be so damn impatient pala. Or, uh, im not sure if impatient is the right word.

Damsel said...

@ Lydz

Thank you Lydz. Salamat kaayo... I've been writing my pain for years and murag incomparable ang feeling everytime mahuman ko'g write. Ambot nalang gyud uie. unsang I hope I can write like that?! hello, ganahan kaya kaayo ko sa imohang write ups, promise tanan tanan na ginawrite nimo ganahan kaayo ko magread. unta maka write ko ug daghan na erotica someday, yeah baby... :P Tama ka lyds naay resolution tanan tanan...naa mi lahi lahi na version pero i make sure nako na dili sad ang ending aron dili ma depress ang reader, lisod na kaayo sa ilahang part, psychologically... hehehe. :) Thanks ulit! mwah, ipadala nalang nako akong first novel sa Surigao if ever maka publish ko, bwahahahaha, ambisyosa...

@ Rea

Hai Rai, makagraduate unta ko on time. Naa pay koy exam sa Physics sa 30 huhuhuhu. Wish me luck ug please pray for me, gagapangin ko ang physics, yeah!

Rai, i won't quit... il stand for what I think is right, this is it rai. Ipaglalaban ang pwede pa at kaya pang ipaglaban, dili pwede maging numb di ko ana, mapildi ko. hehehehe. cge lang rai, marealize lang ni SF nimo ang tanan, TAKE TIME TO REALIZE S***T, hahai.... Tired of waiting? huhuhuhuhuhu. Ako kaya pa rai, kakayanin hanggang kaya pa... PAGSUBOK LANG ITO sa PANAHON NG TAG-ULAN, ahhaha, FAMILIAR? go rai... let's fight and hope to graduate on time!

Beauxy said...

I took a picture of Ram and Kat like the one you have here. That was a long walk but we definitely made it to Ram's aunt's house to rest and eat...

Good luck on the graduation, maabot ra lagi na.. hehehe... ayo ayo

Damsel said...

Sa Samal ni te with my Bestfriend @ around 7 am pauwi na kami davao city. Unexpected. Sila Lyda nagtake ug pic, naulahi sila'g baktas langayan kaayo. hehe. Unsang Good luck on the graduation?! huhuhu. Ate beaux, na sad ko kay wala gi dawat ni Ma'am akong 3rd story,huhuhuhu, ngano man gud pa late late bah. lagooooooooooot kayo :( il cry a river of tears kung mabagsak ko sa iyahang subject, so sad. :( na depress gud ko kadali, gud luck jud sa ako. huhu. kumusta naman ang alas tres sa umaga ko natulog with your help sa pag conceptualize dba? tapos ato lang? huhuhuhuhu...

Beauxy said...

huhui... part sa frustrations. I know you're beat but not beaten so just keep going. You'll miss the pressure when it's over. Sige lang Van, it's not over until the fat lady sings, as the cliche er- saying goes. I enjoy imong thesis and writing cause it will be very different once you get that diploma. hehe... charmos talking like an old lady? haha... just from someone who graduated two years ago and is still in the process of revision - whatever that means. hehe...